It's probably the most hated holiday of all holidays. Let's be real, is this even a real holiday? Hallmark made it up as part of a consumerism scam. Fuck you, Hallmark. (Valentines Day brings out my vulgarity, sorry) So, how will I be spending this romantic holiday? I will most certainly not have a significant other, because college doesn't breed those anymore. Am I right? (Cosmo just did an article on this, check it out. I dare you) I am.
Welp, I'm determined to make this Valentines Day ah-ma-zing. I mean it's really just like any other day. Besides the fact that I have to watch girls walk around campus with bouquets and boyfriends, it's totally normal! While they get flowers and shitty, heart-shaped chocolates, I'll be eating brownies, so who's the real winner? Also, is it totally unacceptable to send myself flowers? Nope. The answer is no, everyone deserves flowers.
Thank goodness for friends, friends, friends! I will not have to resort to befriending the infamous Tulane cats. Fuck, cats. Anywaaaaay, I'm planning on eating all my feelings (I'm a hopeless romantic--- too many emotions too handle), which means I'll probably be in a food coma. Hopefully, I'll still have enough stamina to go thrifting. Even if I don't have the energy, I'm forcing myself to go. I'm getting on that streetcar, hittin' up Magazine St. and spending all of my money that I should be saving. College probs, lawlz. Hopefully, I'll have Starbucks in my hand while doing so ---there is no better day to behave like a basic bitch.
In conclusion, Valentine's Day will be filled with fun festivites and total self-loathing. At the end of the day, I will be ten pounds heavier and $100 poorer, but will probably feel more accomplished than ever before. And THAT is reason enough to ruin my body and my budget.
Sidenote: If anyone out there actually does love me, you will buy me this book. It's called Psychos and is written by my role model and inspiration, Babe Walker. Even though it doesn't officially come out until April 29th, you can pre-order it on Amazon for a measly $12.30. Wink wink, nudge nudge. Thanks, friends.
