College?

College is so strange. I'm here to learn and to grow, so that I can go on to do something bigger, something better with my life. The only problem is: I have absolutely no idea where my life is headed or where I even want it to be headed. Forget about majors, I hardly even know what I'm passionate about anymore. I'm lost, roaming alone and perpetually searching for happiness that I'm not even sure exists.

It's a funny thing, this world. We're taught that we all have this purpose, this duty that were meant to serve. We spend our whole lives trying to fulfill the role we've been given, regardless of the fact that it may not even be our role to play. We're given this image of utopia and expected to play our part in the perfection. There's no help, though; we are left to find out for ourselves which career, which life, and which whatever we're meant for. It's bullshit. Perfection isn't attainable, so why are we all trying so damn hard? I constantly hear the pompous chatter of college kids, whose unwavering efforts are focused solely on finding their own piece of perfect. It's almost sickening. They've taught me something, though: I am no where near perfection and for the first time ever, I'm not sure I want to be.

GILF?

Being old is cute, right?

Have you ever wondered what you will look like when your thirty-five? Forty-five? Sixty? Eighty? Do you aspire to be the ever elusive MILF or DILF or maybe even rock the shit out of the hermit life? Recently, my friends and I had this discussion. Personally, I want to be a hot mom. My kid's friends should think I'm hella sexy.

As a grandma, I don't need to be a GILF--- save that for the cougars. I'd be happy to rock the stereotypical grandma look: short hair, high-waisted pants, and comfy loafers. I'm all about that. My friend, on the other hand, says that she refuses to be a grandma with short hair. She could end up looking like a total hippie, think "Boob Lady" from the Simpsons Movie. Or she could be one of those hot grandmas with ice grey hair that's actually super stylish. Examples:

Boob Lady

Human Boob Lady--- not chic.

Chic.

 
Is there a point to any of this at all? At seventy, I doubt that I even care what I look like, as long as my body is still functioning. Like if I'm incontinent, what's the point of even looking good?

SOS

That's cute that you think its acceptable to wear work boots in public. I'm talking to you, boys! Those fugly, brown work boots really aren't doing you any favors. You know the ones I'm talking about! They're the shoes that you ruin your cute outfit with, the shoes that Farmer Fred probably wears while harvesting his crops. Let's take a closer look at this fashion don't:

Fugly.

Your boots are ugly. I would assume you are ugly too, but most fashion offenders, I've found, have real hottie potential. Ditch the boots and, trust me, the girls will flock. Unless your looking for a girl who's a self proclaimed "country" --- AKA butch --- girl, these boots are not the boots for you. Your potential wife will not find these tan atrocities attractive. There's a reason Big Foot doesn't make public appearances, clearly, he's embarrassed of his disproportionate feet.You should be too.

Please, to save the general public's eyes, ditch your boots in that dark, dusty corner of your closet (their permanent new home) or you know, the dumpster.